Title: Monica's Innermost Secret

Author: Kyouryoku Senshi

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me; they belong to their respective owners.

Summary: John, I have a confession…he was more than just my lover. John…Brad is my ex husband.

John was sitting up late in the X-Files office reading over some government sites, and accidentally hit the wrong link and when he moved the cursor to click on back; his eyes came to rest on the small font on the screen.

His mouth dropped open in horror as he skimmed over the small font of the webpage, and without realizing it he kept re-reading it over again until he had it engraved in his head.

"No way…" he trailed off as his cell phone brought him out of his trance like state

Removing his eyes from the screen he took his cell out of his jacket pocket and answered. "John Doggett."

"Hey...it's me."

"Monica?" He asked in confirmation even though he knew the owner of that voice as much as he knew the back of his hand, or so he thought

"Yeah…where are you? I've been trying your house phone but haven't gotten any answer."

"Oh, yeah I'm still wound up in the office…" Doggett trailed off usually he felt comfortable speaking to Monica about anything in his life more than anything but now it was if she'd become a distant stranger within the moments he'd just read her profile

"John, it's eight o' clock at night…"

"Yeah…I've been working on this case report and…"

"Hey, it's alright…anyway, I was just wondering if we could get together tonight…there's something I need to talk to you about…it's important." Monica insisted

"That's fine…I'm leaving in a few minutes anyway…so how about you meet me at my apartment…and order us some pizza or something, you have the key…"

"Alright…I'll see you then." Monica replied before hanging up

John placed his phone back in his pocket and finally removed his eyes away from the laptop computer screen and shut the computer down before he placed it back in his briefcase and turned off everything in the office before leaving.

The font of the words was still stuck in his mind as he left the building wondering what would await them both next.

As Monica headed over to John's she replayed over and over in her mind how she would have to bring this up to John and what his reaction might be, she knew he would be shocked but after that, she wasn't sure what would come up next.

Upon arriving to John's apartment, she had phoned in the pizza and poured each of them a glass of wine that John had in his fridge and placed them on the class coffee table which was in front of the couch.

When she was finished setting up the classes, she took a seat on the couch and glanced at her watch knowing that as every second drew near, was a second closer to having to reveal a secret that she's been in denial of for years to John.

Part of her was so anxious to have John get back so the faster she could get the secret out and over with before the other part decided to flee. And as if on cue, she heard the sound of a key insert in the doorknob on the other side of the door before John stepped in and closed the door behind him.

He was in a daze and didn't seem to notice Monica's presence until he had taken a few steps further into the room and snapped out if his trance like state. "Oh…hey Monica…" John trailed off

Monica sensed the discomfort pass between them both and felt John's insecurity, if she didn't know any better, she'd say he was on to her. Moments passed after John's awkward greeting and to relieve the tension floating between them, Monica spoke.

"I poured us some wine…and the pizza should be here soon…we should talk." She urged

John nodded and reluctantly moved to sit next to Monica. Normally he would take great comfort in her presence…but now it was as if she had become a complete stranger."

As Monica picked up her glass of wine, she handed one to John. "Thanks." Monica merely nodded as she slipped off her heals and tried her best to make herself comfortable. "So…what is it that you wanted to talk about…?" John trailed off as he took in Monica's reluctance "…You can tell me anything, you know that."

Monica took a sip of her wine and swallowed before she began to speak. "Well, John…I hope you will understand my reason's for not bringing this up sooner…because sometimes I still find it hard to accept myself even though it's in the past…" Monica railed off as she watched for Doggett's reaction

Eager and yet afraid of what Monica might tell him he spoke up "Go on…"

"Anyway the reason I wanted to talk to you tonight…is well, uh…John, I have a confession…he was more than just my lover. John…Brad is my ex husband." Monica exhaled glad she was finally able to get this off of her chest

However, John wasn't so relieved; his mouth had fallen open in shock but not surprise. "What!?"

"John, relax it's not a big deal…we're divorced."

"How long have we known each other now, Monica? Five years? And just now you decide to drop this bombshell 'Oh, I forgot to tell you I'm married', so please forgive me if I can do anything but relax!" He said sarcastically

"Was married…past tense, John."

"I don't believe this!"


"No…don't tell me, you have kids now too? What else haven't you told me!?"

Monica shook her head "No, we were only married for six months."

"That's not the point. How do you expect to be in a relationship with someone when you're keeping secrets…I didn't want this to be true." John said a he paced the living room with his head in his hands

"What are you talking about?" Monica asked suspiciously

"Earlier in the office…I had gone online and was going through the government's site when I landed in your profile…it said you were divorced…but I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that there was a chance that you were hiding something from me…I mean how do I know that you're not hiding anything else?" John sighed before he finally decided to move back over next to Monica and took a seat with his head in his hands

Monica watched him and placed her hand on his back, waiting for John to ask the question she'd been expecting him to ask.

"Why didn't you tell me?" John finally asked as he turned to look at Monica next to him

Sensing his change in attitude, his calmer state of mind…Monica spoke.

"I've been in denial John, even I didn't want to accept that I was married to him, but I have to face facts…accept it and move forward with my life. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner John, and I can understand what you're going through right now…and I don't blame you, but please understand that this wasn't easy for me either." Monica said calmly

John only nodded "But how do I know you're not hiding anything else?" he smirked

Monica smiled "Trust me when I say that I'm not…It's hard for me to keep too much from you John, believe me."

A knock on the door brought them out of their conversation as John stood up on the way towards the door and turned to Monica before opening the door. "It's on me." He smiled before he opened the door and paid the pizza man and thanked him before he left

He came back next to Monica and set the pizza near their wine "Pepperoni and cheese…just the way I like it…what would I do without you Monica?" he joked

"Probably not much." Monica teased

As they helped themselves to the pizza John began to speak "So…tell me, were you happy…in your marriage, even if it was short…was Brad actually not an imbecile?"

Monica hesitated "Well…yeah at first. We shared a passionate relationship…until he had started revealing his true colors."

"What do you mean?"

"You know Brad…he's full of himself. He doesn't know what love is, and probably never will. As you can tell, he's jealous when I'm around any other men besides him. I mean, I couldn't even go out with friends without Brad thinking I was cheating on him."

"From there, the relationship started to go downhill, I couldn't handle it anymore…and I divorced him…and you can tell he's still jealous. Even now, he always tries to come back for more, but I think he's starting to get the hint" Monica continued

"Good, because he doesn't deserve you…anyway, do you ever wonder what might have been if you had stayed with him, how things might have been different?" Doggett asked

"I'd be lying if I told you I walked out that day and never looked back. So yeah I've thought about it some, but the more time I've spent thinking about it, the more I've also come to realize that it wasn't meant to be. Brad and I are two different people, John."

Monica moved closer to John "So, I don't regret my divorce and I'm not looking back…because I'm here now, and was able to meet you." She said as she took his free hand into her own

"Hopefully it'll work out this time around." John smiled

"I will John…I know it will." She smiled

"Cheers, Monica...welcome to the club of the divorced." John said as he raised his glass of wine next to Monica's

Monica laughed "Cheers, John…may we find happiness in one another."