Title: A Mother’s Difficult Choice
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Summary: Post William. Missing scene. What takes place right after Scully cries beside William’s crib?
Disclaimer: None of the X-Files characters belong to me. This fanfic was created for the personal enjoyment and entertainment of myself and fellow X-Philes.
“He didn't have a choice to come into this life. I don't have a choice about what he is or was ... but I do have a choice about the life my son will have ... And shouldn't I choose that he never have to be afraid of anyone or anything? And can I ever really even promise him that?”
Monica remained silent in the background as she watched the woman whom she considered a trusted friend, break down before her. ‘But who can?’ she had asked.
The brunette stood back for a moment, unsure whether she should leave her friend alone for a while or try and comfort her the best she could. She opted for the latter, moved forward and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Dana…” she whispered.
The smaller woman was shaking with heart wrenching sobs and Monica wasn’t sure if she had heard her, but was taken by surprise as her friend moved away from the crib and pulled her into a hug. In the few short years they had worked together, they had only recently become very close. Maybe she reminded Scully of Mulder in a lot of ways regarding her beliefs, but they had also been through so much in such a short amount of time.
Monica silently held her back, allowing Scully to release her anguish. Monica stared down into the mobile and at the baby she had delivered. His little blue eyes were wide open and he outstretched his arms towards them. A moment later, his face scrunched up and he began to whimper.
Drawing both of their attention, Scully suddenly quieted. Monica gasped. It was almost as if the baby had sensed the same anguish his mother felt or didn’t like the fact that she was upset. Scully slowly pulled away from Monica to look at her baby. She knew since conception that her baby was different and he being born human didn’t change those beliefs. He was a miracle, too good to be true. But, she didn’t care that he was different. She carried him for nine months inside of her womb and cradled him next to her heart. She had wanted him for such a long time. No matter what he is or was, she would always love him and nothing would ever change that.
The thought of what she was going to do almost stopped her from picking him up. Because she knew once she held him again, she’d never be able to let him go. Scully bit her lip as she reached inside the crib to calm the crying baby. “Shhh, Sweet William,” she voice nearly broke as she tried to fight back the sobs. Gently, she his caressed his tiny hand with her fingers. “I love you,” she whispered. Scully closed her eyes, unable to fight back the tears that made their way down her face.
Scully was unsuccessful in calming him and she turned away, biting her lip. Without looking up, she said, “Can you take him please, Monica?” Scully’s voice broke before she rushed passed Monica.
Before Monica could protest, she turned back to the crying baby. She reached in and removed the small pacifier that was falling from the baby’s mouth and gingerly picked him up from the crib. “Shh, it’s okay sweetie,” Monica whispered. She knew the child wasn’t hungry and hadn’t dirtied his diaper. Scully had fed and changed him only an hour ago.
The child calmed some, but continued to whimper. She knew he wanted his mother and Monica could almost guarantee that he knew that this would be one of the last moments he would be sharing with her. Carrying the baby, Monica headed out of the room and in search for Scully. “Dana?” she called out.
Once she received no response, she hurried into each room and finally into the living room where she saw Scully holding a piece of paper and dialing a number on the phone at the same time. Before Scully could press the “call” button, Monica used her free arm to fetch the phone from Scully’s hand. “Monica, what are you doing?” She cried.
Monica held the phone tightly in her grip. “I can’t let you do this, Dana.”
“But, he’s my son!” she cried. “And I am his mother, let me do this!” she insisted, on the verge of another break down.
Monica swallowed hard. “There has to be another way, Dana.”
Scully looked from Monica’s somber expression, to her baby. She couldn’t even pick him up, or comfort him. She had to do this. “I don’t think there is, Monica.” She whispered, fighting back the tears.
Monica eyed the adoption agency’s number and threw the phone down. “Then we’ll find one.” She shouted.
Scully’s breathing thickened and she couldn’t take her eyes of her baby. He was quiet, staring right back at her. With heavy weighed down legs, she reluctantly moved towards him and Monica handed him over to her.
Monica watched as Scully placed a kiss to his temple and he was quieted instantly. He made a small noise and she smiled sadly at him.
Several minutes later, Monica continued. “Dana, I know of another way.”
Scully slowly looked back up from the baby and to meet her friends gaze, afraid of the implications. “What?” she whispered.
Monica looked down and paced the living room. “My parents live in a secluded area of New Mexico. Not many people know I am adopted or even of my origins. They are the most wonderful parents a child could have and they love children, never being able to have any of their own.” She explained.
“Go on,” Scully whispered.
“If you’re going to give him up, Dana, you cannot just give him up to strangers. He’d be in even more danger than he would if he stayed with you. Being an adoptee, I know what it’s like. Most adoptees want to search for their parents once they turn eighteen. Sadly, a lot of those searches are unsuccessful. However, I never had the desire to meet my birth parents. I have no clue what their reasoning was to give me up, but that they gave me the best parents I could ever have and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I never resented my birth parents for giving me up, but a lot of adoptees do.” Monica paused to see more tears on Scully’s face.
“I don’t want that for William. He may be in danger right now, but I know there will come a time when you and Mulder will want him back. A regular closed adoption will never give you that, Dana. You will have to wonder for the rest of your life how he is doing and if he is being treated well.” Monica finished. “What are you saying, Monica?”
Monica swallowed once more. “Let my parents adopt him, Dana. This doesn’t have to be goodbye. This way, you’ll know he is in safe hands until the time comes when you want him back.” She whispered, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. Scully slowly looked up at her friend. “How do you know they will agree to that, Monica?”
Monica smiled. “I just know, call it a feeling.”
Monica had made a phone call to her parents to come and meet her as soon as possible.
“Is there something wrong, sweetheart?” her mom had asked.
“No, mama, everything is fine. There is just something I need to discuss with you and papa in person.” She explained.
Several hours later, Monica picked up her parents from the airport and then went back to her apartment. Her parents were about the same age as Scully’s mom and she knew that they would love to have another child around the house. It had been years for them since she was their only child.
Unable to wait further for what Monica needed to discuss, Monica conceded and explained to her parents about everything had happened. It took a while for them to process the fact that William had paranormal abilities, but not too long as they had a clear understanding of Monica’s uncanny sense of auras and belief in the supernatural. In fact, they were very accepting and delighted at the prospect of having another child to care for.
Monica had pulled a small picture of William from her purse and handed it to her parents to see.
“Aww, are you sure this is the little guy? He’s so adorable, Monica. When are you and John going to get married and have a baby?” her mother inquired. Monica couldn’t help but laugh and roll her eyes. Her parents, especially her mom, had been bugging her about giving them grandchildren incessantly. “I really don’t know, mama, but I promise you will be the first to know when it does.” She laughed.
Monica watched as her parents doted over the photo. She knew they would make great parents again and great grandparents. She knew they would love him as their own.
The next few days were spent gathering William’s belongings and preparing for the dreaded goodbye. The only people besides Scully and Monica that knew of the arranged adoption were Skinner and Doggett.
Scully could understand why Monica spoke so fondly of her parents. They were a cute Mexican couple who were about the same age as her mother and seemed very excited to adopt him. Once she met them, she knew instantly that William would be in good hands. It took a few days for the adoption to be finalized with the agency, but it was done. They were now his legal guardians.
Each night until the final day, Scully had cried herself to sleep. No matter how much she grieved, nothing would prepare her enough for that final moment with her son.
Scully spent the last few hours that she could with her son, knowing she wouldn’t be seeing him again anytime soon. It was just too dangerous now. William’s things were gathered by the door and Scully sat once again, overlooking the crib as time passed by. She didn’t try to stop the tears from coming. “I love you William and daddy loves you too, that will never change. She watched as the baby stared up at her with his big blue eyes. It took all that she had not to look away as the time ticked by. “You are my miracle William and I hope that one day, you will understand that what I am doing now is to protect you because I love you so much. But I know that were you are going is to a place of warmth and lots of love and I know you will have a great future ahead of you.”
Scully paused for a moment as the doorbell rang and she could hear voices coming closer. A moment later, Monica appeared. “It’s time, Dana.” She whispered.
Scully nodded. “I know, can I have a moment, please?”
Monica nodded and disappeared back into the living room where her parents were. Scully turned back to William, allowing her tears to flow loosely down her cheeks. The baby began to wimpier once more and she continued. “One day I can tell you the story of how daddy and I met, what we have been through and your miraculous conception. So don’t worry Sweet William, this is only the beginning. I will see you again soon.” Her voice broke as she picked up the child from his bassinet, wrapping him in his baby blanket and carried him into the living room.
Upon seeing them, Monica and her parents stood up. Tears were still flowing freely down Scully’s face and she buried her face into William’s chest as she held him tightly. No matter what she said or did, nothing prepared her for this moment. Monica’s mother walked up to Scully and gingerly placed a warm hand on her back. “I know this is a difficult decision, Sweetheart. I can only promise you that we’ll love and cherish him as our own. We’ll protect him with our lives and you can come see him anytime.” Her mother said warmly.
Scully nodded. “I know you will.” She whispered. William started to cry and she reluctantly handed the child to Monica’s mother. Scully remembered something and turned to leave the room. “I forgot something.”
Scully hurried to her room and scoured through her closets until she finally found what she was looking for. It was a blue baby book with pictures of her pregnant, with Mulder, ultrasounds and each month of babyhood until now. She held it tightly in her arms as she walked back into the room.
Monica’s parents were sitting on the couch when she reappeared. “I’d like you to have this,” She said as she handed the book to Monica’s father. “You can add to it, I just would like William to see it when he’s older.”
Monica’s father nodded. “We will.”
Scully bit her lip as they stood up. “Well, I guess we should probably go now, our flight leaves in an hour.” Monica’s mother said reluctantly.
Monica nodded and Scully reluctantly began to show them to the door. While Scully was in William’s room, Monica had carried all of William’s belongings to the car. Before they got to the door, Scully had grabbed William’s car seat and placed him in it. She dreaded each step knowing it would lead her closer and closer to his goodbye. She couldn’t stop the tears now, but she didn’t care. William was still crying.
Monica’s parents hugged her tightly.
Everything was a blur and as they opened the door to leave, Scully cried out.
They turned and Scully hurried to William. She moved her hands to the base of her neck and removed the clasp of her necklace. She gingerly placed it around the baby’s neck and kissed his forehead a final time.
“I love you William. Goodbye.”
It was the last time she saw him before they drove off. Her head spun and her vision and hearing became distorted. She had nothing more to lose. They had taken the very last important thing from her. She swore she could still hear the baby’s cries in the distance. Scully closed the door and slumped to the floor. What would she tell Mulder? What would she tell herself?